You think your office sucks?
You think your office sucks? You should thank your office, my office doesnt suck, it swallows. You think you’re underpaid? Try to think that over again, there is someone who is under-underpaid. People rarely appreciate what they already have. People keep getting this feeling of jealousy when they see someone who gets more than they do. Well, what feeling do you get when you know someone who gets a lot less than you do?
This is a story, about a position who trains you, both mentally and physically. It’s not about money, you’ll get no surplus, it’s not about appreciation, no one cares about your talent here, it’s all about how long you can survive before you finally get killed in the process. It’s some sort of… Crimson Land.
What does it take to be strong like me? How just being a mere designer, could possibly trains you so well? Well, check these out.
You love salary raise? Really love it? Well, kiss your love goodbye. There is no such thing like salary raise here. None. Nil. Never. No nothing. Not when the company rakes money twice more than last months, not when there is a new shop established, not when Halley comet comes, not when total solar eclipse happens. Wait, if my memory serves me right, I have ever got a raise. A Virus/malicious software attacked my office network and internet bill went 4 millions. For this outstanding achievement *clap hands*, the company rewarded me MINUS 300k salary raise for two months because I was :
1. the one who used internet most of the time
2. I was the one who had most mp3 in the office.
I don’t know how that mp3 count went on the thinking, but hey, THANX BOSS! That was the only “raise” I have ever got and I have no grudge upon it, none at all! This trains you to appreciate your salary. No matter how little you get, be happy by remembering one thing : There is me, I get less than you.
You love overtime? Yes? Why? Because overtime payout is good? I sometimes talk to a lot of designers and truly be amazed on how they make overtime payout as much as their basic salary. Some even make twice. It has been a golden rule that most of the time, large part of money that goes to designer’s wallet, come from overtime. Well guess what happen when you get in my position. You do not get paid for overtime. I repeat, you do not get paid for overtime. Not even when you get sick because you work overtime (for free) for five days straight. They would just blame you for getting the job late because you didn’t come, no asking involved. Hey, don’t blame the managerial. They just have no job for you unless it has been 15 minutes to/past the end of the day, and they expect you to finish it on the same day. That basically means “Hurray, free overtime for today! A big saving for company!” This trains you to respect every little time that you have before the day ends.
Do you like to play games? Well in this office, nobody cares if a car driver or an office boy play games. The same goes for buyers, brand managers, accountants, or even the owners, nobody cares. But as soon as a game title pops in your screen, always in my screen, not in anyone’s screen, just my screen… you have five minutes to click “QUIT” or you listen to the holy preach. No matter what the occasion is, whether you have nothing to do, or it is lunch time, or it has been past 1700, or it is your birthday, or it is Christmas, the rule is always the same : Press QUIT, or I preach. Trust me, you don’t want to hear the preach. It drains your spirit in an instant, leaving you like zombie for the rest of the day. Someone must have a grudge on me playing games. Or maybe this person has never could enjoy games, so this person doesn’t like to see someone who enjoys games so much : which happens to be me. This trains you to rarely take a break and focus on another kind of entertainment that doesn’t involve anything physical… like day-dreaming for example. Managerial cannot punish you for daydreaming because when you do, you look like someone who is deep in imagination of your next work.
What about your executives? Your managerial? Your directors? In my position, they are predators. One of mine works in a very peculiar, uncommon, abstract, challenging, dynamic, meta-physic and complicated way. If you don’t understand what I meant here’s a short translation : she sucks.
Today (d-day), she would come to my desk and ask me to make a lot of something. So I go overtime together with the head of my division, making a lot of something for my lovely short-skirt managerial.
Tomorrow (d+1), she would see it and change her mind on every single thing, so we have to go overtime again to make everything exactly and precisely like what she wants.
On d+2, she will present it to the boss, and gets some inputs. She would want the job to follow the inputs and so we work overtime again. This is getting interesting.
On d+3, she will think that boss inputs cannot be executed because of some reasons. So she would think of a way and want it to be happen, so we will go overtime again for another lovely night, because we are lovely blue djinnis. Your 1001 wishes are our commands!
On d+4, both she and my boss will come to an agreement and approve everything that we have been trough. No overtime tonight? There is no need for it, because the agreement comes at 20.00.
On d+5, documents have been sent to a printing company to be printed and everything looks so peaceful and cloud looks so beautiful with tiny drops of rain falling and casting rainbow in my office, when she suddenly calls me about… further revisions. Oh, I cannot continue this story. This is too painful. The memory. Please, I need to catch a breath before you take it from me again.
It’s so natural of… managerial. If you watch Discovery Channels, you’ll see mine are on top of the food chain with me right below them. In your office, you must be very far off below the predators, you must be so close to… Plantations XD. If you think it over and over and over, you will come to a final understanding… it’s just the way they are. This trains you so that you can adapt better to harsh nature and predators. Err, I meant, this trains you to understand how managerial work. Keep them happy and you’re off the jaws and paws. Shake the tail a little, and they will leave you with a curse, like… no game for the rest of your career.
So you thought your office sucks? I bet you don’t now. You think you’re underpaid? If you read my story carefully and think that I am underpaid, you should have known that you’re seriously overpaid.
And you think you’re tough? XD You’re nothing unless you have worked two years in my office and manage to keep your body parts complete. You already get a job in a very comfy office with nice payout, cute girl across your desk and the best thing you can do is to resign because the job is boring and is not prospective enough? You losers. Get a job and respect your job! Now get lost, I gotta have my medication.